So, DeskGate. Or as I like to call it, How to Make an Entire Country Unnecessarily Angry in One Easy Step.
First, Jesus had to carry his own cross to his death. Now kids have to carry a desk and a chair to theirs too? Where’s the euphemism? I’ll let you find it. But let’s break this down. Why in the name of all things logical couldn’t they just donate wooden desks? You know, the kind we all grew up with. The ones that actually stayed at school instead of doubling as a gym routine for an eight-year-old with scoliosis potential.
I was giving this some thought and I was like, if they’re taking a Section18A approach, we can more or less do the same with a practical response to the outrage—instead of these performative, PR-boosting, plastic portable desks that double as an emotional support burden, let’s crowdfund real ones. You know, like normal human beings. Get some local carpenters, keep the money circulating, make durable desks that won’t collapse like my willpower in front of a plate of fries.
We don’t need a RETURN ON BRAND. We don’t need a RETURN ON REPUTATION. We need a RETURN ON COMMON SENSE. So if anyone’s keen, let’s register a campaign, donate to it, and actually solve the problem without making children look like mobile office workers.
Because really, do we need another reason to look like a country that lost a bet? Or is this another social experiment and the kids are set to perform their first Tiny Desk Solo?
