Breaking: Folarin Balogun will be available to play in USA's Round of 16 match against Belgium on Monday, FIFA announced. The FIFA Disciplinary Committee has suspended the red card issued to the USA striker during their Round of 32 win over Bosnia and Herzegovina.

Continental Congress HAS SIGNED A DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE!  The UNITED STATES are OFFICIALLY INDEPENDENT from BRITAIN. LIBERTY BELLS ring out throughout Philadelphia; the streets ERUPT IN ECSTASY.

Communist NYC Mayor Zohran Mamdani, who just came to this country, chose to become an American, is deciding he is the foremost authority to tell Americans what it means to be American. He has the AUDACITY, on America's 250th birthday, to call our great nation "an arena of supremacy" — a nation that "persecutes," ruled by "oligarchs." He sneers that his fellow Americans are "small, weak, unoriginal." He says “ICE is invading our streets” while he endorses and welcomes an invasion of third-world savages. Millions dream of the gift he was given. A man who spends his time burning the most American city to the ground does not deserve to be America, let alone dictate to others what it means to be an America.

Angry delivery. This was a misstep by Mamdani.